You Matter: The Foundation of a Thriving Marriage

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” —Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

Hey there, friend. Ever felt like you’re not enough? Like you’re chasing approval, juggling roles, or drowning in the wreckage of past mistakes? I’ve been there. In my 20s, after a failed marriage and a string of bad choices, I was convinced I didn’t matter. But then, in a grocery aisle of all places, a friend’s kindness and a pastor’s words—“God loves you”—cracked through my walls. That moment changed everything. And it’s the heartbeat of Chapter 1 in my book, Happy Marriage, Happy Life.

Why Identity Matters in Marriage

Before you can build a strong marriage, you’ve got to know who you are—not your job, your Enneagram number, or what the world says, but your God-given identity. Chapter 1, “You Matter,” dives into this truth head-on. It’s not just fluffy feel-good talk; it’s the foundation for everything that follows. When you’re secure in who God says you are—His masterpiece, fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)—you stop striving and start loving from a place of peace.

In the book, I share my story—from a restless kid in rural Florida to a broken young adult, to a counselor helping thousands of couples. I learned that God’s love doesn’t just rescue us; it redefines us. And that’s where a happy marriage begins. If you’re looking in broken mirrors—success, approval, or even your spouse—for your worth, you’ll keep coming up empty. But when you root your identity in Christ, you bring strength and harmony to your marriage, like gears clicking perfectly in a grandfather clock.

Four Pieces of God’s Design

Chapter 1 breaks down four components that shape your identity:

• Nature: Your biology and temperament—God’s unique wiring for how you think, feel, and connect.

• Nurture: The experiences that shape you, like my church-filled childhood or the hard lessons of my 20s.

• The Holy Spirit: Your ever-present guide, whispering, “You are My masterpiece,” even when life feels like chaos.

• Your Soul: The compass of your choices, deciding whether to lean into grace or pride in those heated marriage moments.

I share the story of David and Emily, a couple I counseled. David’s insecure attachment from a critical childhood left him chasing approval, while Emily’s warm upbringing made her secure. Their differences clashed—until they grounded their identities in God’s truth. That shift turned their exhaustion into connection.

The Rotten Egg Principle

Here’s a quick story from the book: I once made my wife, Brie, my “world-famous” omelet. It looked perfect—spinach, tomatoes, my secret spice blend. But one bite, and her face said it all: inedible. Turns out, one rotten egg from an old carton ruined the whole thing. Marriage is like that. You can have all the right pieces—love, shared goals, even a cute puppy—but if one partner’s carrying unresolved hurt or a shaky identity, it taints everything. Knowing you matter in Christ fixes that rotten egg, setting the stage for a thriving marriage.

Why This Matters for You

If you’ve ever felt unseen or unworthy, Chapter 1 is your wake-up call. It’s packed with reflection questions like, “What voices have shaped your identity—God’s or the world’s?” and practical steps to restore your worth in Christ. This isn’t just about feeling better—it’s about building a marriage that reflects God’s design.

Want to dive deeper? Grab Happy Marriage, Happy Life to discover how knowing “you matter” transforms not just your heart, but your relationship. Because when you’re secure in God’s love, you’re free to love your spouse like never before.

Ready to start your journey to a stronger marriage? Check out HappyMarriageHappyLife.com for more insights and grab your copy today!