Spiritual Intimacy: The Foundation of Covenant Marriage

Sep 13
8 min read

Updated: Sep 18

Every couple longs for closeness, but intimacy is more than romance. Dr. Scott Inman’s Covenant Intimacy Fulfillment Model™ shows that marriage thrives across twelve types of intimacy—spiritual, emotional, intellectual, physical, sexual, commitment, partnership, affability, recreational, creative, financial, and stability. Each type can either build connection or create conflict. True fulfillment comes when couples grow together in all twelve, honoring both their individuality and their covenant bond. (More info at the end)

Spiritual Intimacy is The Foundation of Covenant Marriage

When you think of intimacy in marriage, your mind might go straight to romance, good conversations, or spending time doing things you both enjoy. Those are important, but they will not hold your marriage steady through every season of life. What truly anchors a covenant marriage is spiritual intimacy. This is the bond that shapes how you love, forgive, and serve each other.

Spiritual Intimacy Begins with Identity in Christ

Spiritual intimacy does not start on your wedding day. It begins long before, as an individual intimacy with God. Your identity in Christ is where spiritual intimacy takes root. Who you are shapes how you love, and how you love shapes the marriage you build.

The psalmist captures this truth beautifully:“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” — Psalm 139:13

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” — Psalm 139:14

“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” — Psalm 139:16

Your identity begins with this reality: you are created intentionally, known completely, and loved deeply by God. When you know who you are in Him, you bring that security, confidence, and clarity into your marriage. Without it, you end up leaning on your spouse to tell you who you are, which puts pressure on them that only God was meant to carry.

The Foundation of a Marriage

Think of building a house. You do not start with the paint colors or the décor. First, you lay the foundation. That foundation is your spiritual identity, your system of belief. It is the concrete on which everything else rests.

When a husband and wife come together, it is like cement being poured. Each of you brings unique qualities, needs, and a personal belief system. In marriage, those elements are blended into one foundation that supports the life you are building together. Once the foundation is solid, you can design the walls, plan the rooms, and eventually add the finishing touches.

In marriage, spiritual intimacy is that foundation. It determines where the rooms of intimacy belong and how they connect. Without it, you may try to decorate, but the structure itself will not hold. With it, every other type of intimacy—emotional, physical, sexual, financial—finds its proper place, rooted in something unshakable.

Spiritual intimacy begins with identity, and identity begins with Christ. When both spouses are grounded in Him, their marriage is not just a partnership, but a covenant that reflects God’s design.

What Is Spiritual Intimacy

Spiritual intimacy is more than praying together once in a while or sitting next to each other in church. It is a way of life. For Christians, it is the covenant bond that governs every other kind of intimacy. Think of it as your shared compass. It points you both toward God’s truth and anchors your marriage in His design.

Here’s how the Covenant Intimacy Fulfillment Model describes it:

Spiritual Intimacy—This is your shared compass. It's a deep sense of purpose and connection to God’s design that anchors your relationship, shaping how you love each other. Ultimately, this foundational bond guides your journey together through life's ups and downs.

In other words, spiritual intimacy is not about adding a few spiritual activities into your week. It is about aligning your entire marriage with God’s heart.

The Basis of Love: Action First, Feelings Follow

In a covenant marriage, love is not built on emotions that come and go. It is built on choices. Scripture makes this crystal clear. In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul describes love in action. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy. Love keeps no record of wrongs. Notice that those are all verbs.

Here is the beautiful truth. When you live out love in action, the feelings of love do not disappear, they actually grow. God designed it this way. The Fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control—are not just qualities of God’s Spirit at work in you. They are also the fruit of a marriage that chooses love in action first.

I often tell couples this simple phrase: feelings follow faithfulness. When you practice patience, kindness, forgiveness, and service even on the days you do not feel like it, God’s Spirit produces the very emotions of love your heart longs for. Spiritual intimacy makes this possible because it anchors your marriage in God’s love instead of your moods.

Why It Matters

Think of your marriage as a house. Without a strong foundation, the walls may look fine for a while, but eventually cracks appear and the whole structure becomes unstable. Spiritual intimacy is that foundation. It is one of the Core Intimacies, the non-negotiable pillars that give your marriage security, love, and purpose. Without it, every other form of intimacy loses stability.

This is why spiritual intimacy is the example of covenant marriage. A covenant is not a contract you can walk away from. It is a holy commitment to love like Christ, no matter what storms come. Spiritual intimacy keeps your marriage anchored in that reality.

How to Build Spiritual Intimacy

Building spiritual intimacy is not complicated, but it does take intentionality. It is both being together in God’s presence and doing life in alignment with His truth.

Some practical rhythms you can start today include:

Praying out loud together daily, even if it is short and simple
Reading Scripture together and talking about what it means for your marriage
Worshiping side by side in church and at home
Making decisions with God’s Word as your guide
Serving others as a couple, remembering your marriage has a mission bigger than itself

When you practice these things consistently, you will see how deeply they strengthen your unity.

Spiritual Intimacy and Relational Dynamics

In the Comprehensive Covenant Marriage Model, spiritual intimacy is found in the dynamic of Compassion and Care. That means it is not just about theology. It is about how love, empathy, and emotional needs are expressed and received. When you nurture spiritual intimacy, you make space for tenderness, emotional availability, and a safe bond rooted in God’s love.

Scripture Foundation

The Bible shows us clearly that intimacy with God shapes how we love each other.

“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” — Ecclesiastes 4:12

“Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain.” — Psalm 127:1“As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” — Joshua 24:15

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” — 1 Corinthians 13:4

Reflection Questions

How would you describe the role of God in your marriage right now—occasional visitor, or guiding presence?
What is one new spiritual practice you and your spouse can start this week?
How does your shared faith shape the way you handle conflict, forgiveness, and decisions?

Takeaway

Spiritual intimacy is not just another type of closeness to add to the list. It is the anchor of a covenant marriage. It shapes every other bond, strengthens every connection, and secures your relationship in God’s unshakable love. When you and your spouse pursue God together, you experience not only His love but also the fruit of a marriage rooted in Him.

Twelve Types of Intimacy

Dr. Scott Inman identifies twelve types of intimacy within the Covenant Intimacy Fulfillment Model™. His theory states that each type of intimacy has the power to create either connection or conflict. Positive interactions in all twelve areas are essential for a satisfying relationship and a happy marriage. Intimacy can be measured by the closeness and connection a couple experiences in each type.

This model is rooted in the Imago Dei, God’s design in which every person is created in His image (Genesis 1:27). Each individual is uniquely made, shaped by both creation and life experience (nature and nurture), and carries distinct relational needs. Because of this, connection points—those factors that either increase or decrease intimacy—depend on the personal needs of each spouse and the unique dynamic between them as a couple.

The twelve types of intimacy identified in the Covenant Intimacy Fulfillment Model™ include:

Spiritual Intimacy (pursuing God together, shared faith and purpose)
Emotional Intimacy (safety, vulnerability, and empathy)
Intellectual Intimacy (shared learning, curiosity, and conversation)
Physical Intimacy (touch, closeness, and nonsexual affection)
Sexual Intimacy (mutual giving and delight in the sexual relationship)
Commitment Intimacy (shared devotion and covenant faithfulness)
Partnership Intimacy (teamwork in roles, responsibilities, and goals)
Affability Intimacy (friendship, humor, and camaraderie)
Recreational Intimacy (play, fun, and enjoyment of activities together)
Creative Intimacy (building, dreaming, and expressing together)
Financial Intimacy (shared stewardship of resources and security)
Stability Intimacy (trust through planning, security, and aligned values)

In short, intimacy is not one-size-fits-all. Each type is a doorway to connection, but it can also be a place of disconnection if neglected or misused. A fulfilling marriage depends on growing together across all twelve, honoring one another’s God-given design, and building a relationship that reflects the heart of covenant love.

7-Day Devotional: Growing in Spiritual Intimacy

Use this devotional with your spouse, or individually if your spouse is not yet ready to join. Each day includes a Scripture, a short teaching thought, and a reflection or action step.

Day 1 — The Foundation of Your Marriage

Scripture: “Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain.” — Psalm 127:1

Thought: Spiritual intimacy begins when you recognize that God is the true builder of your marriage. Without Him, your efforts lack lasting strength. With Him, your marriage rests on a foundation that cannot be shaken.

Action: Pray together and dedicate your marriage to God’s purpose.

Day 2 — Love in Action

Scripture: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” — 1 Corinthians 13:4

Thought: Love is not measured by feelings but by actions. Spiritual intimacy is strengthened when you choose to act in love, even when emotions lag behind.

Action: Choose one act of kindness or patience to intentionally show your spouse today.

Day 3 — The Shared Compass

Scripture: “As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” — Joshua 24:15

Thought: Couples who pursue God together find that His purpose becomes their compass. This shared pursuit brings unity even in seasons of uncertainty.Action: Write down one area of your life where you want to follow God’s direction more closely as a couple.

Day 4 — Prayer That Bonds Hearts

Scripture: “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” — Matthew 18:20

Thought: Prayer is not just a discipline. It is an intimate conversation with God that bonds you to Him and to each other.

Action: Pray out loud together tonight, even if only for a few minutes.

Day 5 — Forgiveness That Heals

Scripture: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” — Colossians 3:13

Thought: Spiritual intimacy cannot thrive in a soil of bitterness. Forgiveness opens space for God’s grace to flow freely between you.

Action: Ask God to reveal any unforgiveness in your heart, and take a step to release it.

Day 6 — Serving Side by Side

Scripture: “Serve one another humbly in love.” — Galatians 5:13

Thought: Serving together deepens your intimacy by reminding you that your marriage has a mission bigger than itself. Unity grows when you put your hands to Kingdom work.

Action: Find a small way to serve someone together this week.

Day 7 — A Cord of Three Strands

Scripture: “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”— Ecclesiastes 4:12

Thought: The strongest marriages are not built on two people alone, but on two people bound together with Christ at the center. That third strand is your ultimate strength.

Action: Renew your commitment by praying together, “Lord, be the center of our marriage today and every day.”